During the Covid pandemic, I dedicated considerable time to studying the dynamics of relationships between men and women. I took it even further by going to school to learn more about creating connected and life-giving relationships, behavior changes, shifting perspectives, and overall self-improvement and personal growth. After all, I became a certified life coach. I read 21 books covering topics from difficult conversations to mindfulness, love languages, finding your north star and creating the foundation for deep connections. There is no potential for 50 – 50 relationships. And the reason is simple: men and women are inherently different. While we are equal in terms of rights and respect, our differences go beyond the physical realm to our mental wiring. A successful and healthy relationship embodies the concept of yin and yang, highlighting the distinct ways in which men and women exist and operate. The book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" by Dr. John Gray addresses the distinctions between genders and different expectations and needs in relationships women and men possess.
Masculine and feminine energies are fundamentally different, functioning in the mode of “giving/man and receiving/woman”. Men have tendencies in the masculine pole: independence, analytical thinking, problem-solving, and competitiveness, while women perform in the feminine pole: emotional intelligence, intuition, nurturing, and cooperation.
Men and women express love uniquely and possesses various strengths and weaknesses that balance each other out. Ultimately, balance in a relationship does not equate to equality in contributions.
But what consequences may arise if we push the idea of a 50/50 relationship? The negative or detrimental aspects. The notion that "I do for you because you do for me" should be avoided. If we build a relationship on this foundation, we are not forming a deep connection, instead, we make our connection more transactional. One for you, then I expect one for me. This concept creates a mindset of keeping score, where one partner feels compelled to reciprocate under a feeling of obligation rather than act out of genuine care. It reduces the willingness to go above and beyond one another, instead, it makes you feel burdened by repaying favors.
By nature, a man needs to be the leader of the relationship while a woman often plays a supportive role. Many women desire a man who is dominant, takes charge and leads her. It doesn’t diminish the importance of a woman's role, which is equally vital. Rather, it suggests that both men and women experience greater fulfillment when they embrace their respective roles. An alpha male man desires a woman who embodies femininity—enigmatic, nurturing, and radiating an enchanting allure that captivates, motivates and inspires him.
Studies showed that when men participate in tasks typically associated with femininity, couples tend to have less sexual intimacy compared to those where husbands engage in more traditionally masculine activities. Conversely, when a woman adopts traits associated with masculinity, she often displays dominant and controlling behaviors. In numerous respects, women embodying masculine energy don’t need men; if they choose to be in a relationship, they may assume control over the marriage, often leading to the suppression of their husband's role.
A great relationship is not about 50/50, it is 100/100. When both people consistently give their all, neither will be left wanting. The joy of your partner will reflect in your own happiness. If I do something for a significant other, I should be doing it because I want to. Because seeing him happy makes me happy. Because he asked me to. Because he didn’t ask me to. Or maybe just for no reason at all.
As Ernest Hemingway wisely said: “When you love you wish to do things for. You wish to sacrifice for. You wish to serve.”
Comments